1. A good sermon should be like a woman’s skirt: short enough to rouse the interest, but long enough to cover the essentials.
~ Ronald Knox
2. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
3. Are you thinking what I'm thinking that I think that you're thinking I'm thinking because if you think that I think what I think I'm thinking then we've got a problem?
4. A paper should be like a mini skirt: long enough to cover everything, but short enough to keep it interesting.
5. Life is like a roller coaster, and I'm about to throw up.
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7. Don't take candy from strangers unless they offer you a ride.
8. lI work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!
9. You were looking good from afar.. now you're far from looking good.
10. The two most beautiful words in the English language are “check enclosed.”
11. Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
- Will Rogers
12. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
13. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
14. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
15. Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
16. If you were twice as smart as you are now, you'd be absolutely stupid.