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Funny Ludicrous Quotations

'Are you fond of jesting. Practice it here with ludicrous, clever, and entertaining funny jolly quotes.'

-4. The human brain is amazing. It functions 24 hours a day from the time we were born, and only stops when we take exam or are in love.

-5. When I am available, no one calls or text me. But when I get busy.. still no one..

-4. Hey, your phone's ringing. Yeah, that is what they are made for.

-3. I always wake up with a good attitude everyday. Then you meet me.

-2. As I get older I notice the years less and the seasons more.

-1. How can I lose to such an idiot?

0. The only stupid question is the question you don't ask.

1. You can drive a woman wild with right use of your tongue. It's so simple. All you do is say, 'You're looking little fatty today?"

2. If you don't want a sarcastic answer, then don't ask me any stupid question.

3. When I try, it does not come and when I avoid insists - My pressure.
Yes, admit that I think about....... that crispy pizza a lot. Lmao

4. If valentine's day is for love birds, then the rest of days are for me, right?

5. Home is where..... We can look ugly but enjoy it.

6. You're so lucky to have me, I wish me too.

7. Ever you wondered how long it would take a giraffe to throw up.

8. Meaning of SINGLE - Stress is now gone life's easier.

9. Best memories always come from bad ideas.

10. When you don't like them.. Their opinions seem to be so irrelevant.

11. Weird is just a side effect of being awesome.

12. Wanna do what husbands do with their wives on bed? No thanks. My life does it with me daily.

13. I didn't shouted on you, alcohol did.

14. What formula do you use while solving your sums. Me: Guess and Hope.

15. Check my fridge every five minutes to see if any food magically appeared.

16. I want to keep my school clean by staying at home.

17. Why do men fear the dark?
Because darkness is ignorance made visible.
And do men despise ignorance?
No, they prize it above all things, all things! But only so long as it remains invisible.

18. The awkward moment when you're at someone's house and the toilet won't flush...

The more people I meet

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

Sleep is made for the guys with no internet connection.

If you're talking behind my back, you're in a good position to kiss my ass!

I would say Heart

You are my sunshine on a rainy day.

Your lips are much more like wine, can I get drunk?


I love you with all my butt, I would say heart but my heart smaller than them.

Anyone can make you happy by doing something special, but only one special person can make you happy without doing anything.

Stop waiting for prince charming. Get up and find him. The poor idiot may be stuck in a tree or something.

Humorous Quotes

Why do in Life, cool things only happen when I DON'T have a camera.

"Hey, someone needs a hug!" "No, please don't touch me."

Really funny how fast you can get up in the morning when you realize you overslept.

That awkward moment when you're actually telling the truth but you laugh during it, and everybody thinks you're lying.

My friend like women like he likes my math. Easy or else he'll end up cheating.

If killing wasn't illegal, you'd be dead..... 100 times.

Why you keep those numbers in your contacts you never use but never delete.

Eating food that's too hot and start breathing like a retarded dragon.

We all have that one look we give to our friends when someone hot walks by.

When they try to look at your screen while you're texting.

Don't call me lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

(pregnant girl at bus stop)
Boy: what are you expecting?
Girl: bus?
Boy turns to his friend and says: Cool, this girl got screwed by a transformer.

They are coming. I wish we could just fast forward to summer.

Sometime we wake up from a power nap and have no idea what day, month or year it is..

Amusing Quotes

I'm not lazy, I'm on energy saving mode.

How strange when people think they're funny, but they're just annoying.

Try saying 'Cops' without your lips touching.

There's always that one person, who always catches you doing something weird.

Sneaking your seat belt on slowly when you see a cop.

That awkward moment when you try to high five someone and you both miss.

You are not a photographer.. You just have an overpriced camera.

I wish I could download food.

Life is so much funnier when you have a naughty mind.

Be sure that while climbing the ladder of success, don't let boys look up your skirt!

Why don't you learn from my mistakes? It takes half your life to learn from your own.

Hi. Are you accepting any applications for a boy/girlfriend?

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

I must be in heaven because I'm standing next to you!

Do you stare at a text for five minutes to figure out how to reply.

I wanna scream, and shout, and let it all out! - Me on the toilet..

Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please...

You changed your cell phone for an extra inch.. I hope your girlfriend doesn't do the same.

Two men walked into a bar. The third one ducked.

Which runs faster, hot or cold? Hot! Everyone can catch a cold!

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists? - Woody Allen

You know, the difference between this company and the Titanic is that the Titanic had paying customers. - Anonymous

So far

Distance really sucks... My room is so far from the fridge.

I agree

Yes - I agree that I don't just sing while shower... I perform too.

One Ice Cube

Don't you hate it when there is always that one ice cube that won't pop out of the tray.

Out of Money

Dear Parents.. I love you, I'm out of money.

I Bet You

I bet you vegetarians don't even feel guilty eating baby carrots.

End up cheating

I like women like I like my math. Easy. Or else I'll end up cheating.

Selfish

Police never say, "Thank you for committing crimes and keeping us employed." Selfish..

Smart People

Smart phones, smart cars, smart televisions... when are they going to start making smart people?

We speak it

School is pointless. English: We speak it. History: They're dead. Math: We have calculators. Spanish: We have Dora.

Never Seen

Honestly, I’ve never seen anyone fall because of a banana.