Very Funny Drinking/Alcohol Quotes

'People drink alcohol to forget tensions and to have sound sleep but there is funny side of it too. Lets find it out with funny quotations and Excuses about drinking.'

"Lets get drunk and tell each others everything we're too afraid to say sober."

"I drink to forget I drink."
- Joe E. Lewis

"They speak of my drinking, but never think of my thirst." - Scottish Proverb


"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
- Drew Carrey



I go angry when people ask me "Do you drink?" Like of course, I drink, I have water every day and when I want to loosen up a bit I have a juice box.

"Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake."

"Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer. "
- Arnold Schwarzenegger

"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder."

"The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk they're sober."
- William Butler Yeats

"An alcoholic has been lightly defined as a man who drinks more than his own doctor."
- Dr. Alvan L. Barach

"I know I should give up drinking; but I am not a quitter" - Anon


"Being half drunk is just another way of saying -your almost there."

"I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know."

"In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria."
- Benjamin Franklin

"Wine is bottled poetry."
- R L Stevenson

"Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar."

"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer."
- Clement Freud

"I never turned to drink. It seemed to turn to me."
- Brendan Behan

"Never cry over split milk. It could've been whiskey."
- Pappy from Maverick

"First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you."
- F Scott Fitzgerald

"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."
- Anon

"It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth."
- George Burns

"Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink."
- Anon

"Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water."
- W C Fields

Stop Stop, you must read More Funny Quotes. Cheers...:)

37 Funny Quotes For Happy Day

'Make your day happy and entertaining with these 37 cute, innocent, rare but so humorous funny saying quotes.'

1. There are two different kinds of people in this world: those who finish what they start, and.
- Brad Ramsey

1a. Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
- Henny Youngman


2. I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships.
- Gilda Radner

3. Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.
- Sam Ewing

4. Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.
- Groucho Marx

5. Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
- Rene Descartes

6. I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.
- Alan Coren

7. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
- Groucho Marx

8. No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes she were not.
- H.L. Mencken

9. The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy.
- Unknown

10.Reality is a hallucination brought on by lack of alcohol.
- Unknown

11. Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
- Fran Lebowit

12. How I see it is that men get one night of pleasure, and we get nine months of putting them through hell and getting away with it.
- Sara Swank

13. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments, soccer games, romances, best friends, location of friend's houses, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
- Unknown

14. The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back.
- Franklin Jones

15. There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
- Steven Wright

16. The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who are undecided.
- Casey Stengal

17. Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen or oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
- Dave Berry

18. Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.
- Proverb

19. When a husband brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.
- Molly McGee

20. Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done.
- Sam Ewing

21. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
- Unknown

22. If you think something small can't make a difference, try going to sleep with a mosquito in the room.
- Unknown

23. Men should be like Kleenex...soft, strong, and disposable.
- Mrs. White, Clue

24. Have no fear of perfection--you'll never reach it.
- Salvador Dali

25. After looking at the bill for my operation, I understand why the doctors wear masks in the operating room.
- Unknown

26. Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother c

27. Some see the glass as half-empty, some see the glass as half-full. I see the glass as too big.
- George Carlin

28. School is like a lollipop. It sucks until it is gone.
- Ashley Salvati

29. Anyone seen in a bus over the age of 30 has been a failure in life.
- Loelia, Duchess of Westminster

30. Children are the most expensive form of entertainment.
- Mihaela Iosof

31. The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.
- "Smile" Zingers

32. For there is nothing either good or bad, thinking makes it so.
- William Shakespeare

33. I'm strong, I'm tough, I still wear my eyeliner.
- Lisa Leslie

34. If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.
- Doug Larson

35. I have no data yet. It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories instead of theories to suit facts.
- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

36. Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde

37. You've reached middle age when all you exercise is caution."
- Unknown

Everytime you able to find some humor in difficult situation, you win

Also read Funny Jokes here

Rules of Math.. If it seems easy. You are doing it Wrong

Yawning is like your body's way of saying 18% battery left

12 Short Jokes with 15 Funny Quotes

Jump to: Short Jokes | Funny Quotes | Hilarious Husband Wife Letter | Too Funny Jokes

Funny Jokes

Skinny jeans are like calories. Easy to put on but impossible to take off.

'So enjoy/giggle the rare combination of Amazingly Funny Quotes with Hilarious Short Jokes ever. Humor, to us, is like oxygen in water/air which keeps us alive and bless us with health. You must stop this boring way of living life like others do! Ops, just kidding, but seriously you can experience good fun here - It's a cinch. It is up to us how we deal with life. Exact same situation, for two different people, can be funny and sad. Attitude, habits and sense of humor really matter. Enjoy now because now is true and everything else is lie.'

Some people try to find reasons for laughter every-time while others adopt opposite behavior as they tend to look for problems. Creating humor, sharing good quotes/jokes can be very tactful way of coping with hurdles of life. You must agree that at the end of it, no one gonna stay alive so we should try to surround ourselves with people having great sense of humor. It is really wise and suggestible to not to take much pressures and tensions. Always give your 100% to every task and leave everything on to 'Karma'. Someone has rightly been said that "Life is very simple but we insist on making it complicated". Now take the oath to enjoy every present moment and celebrate the blessing of God. By doing so, you can gain and hold attention of everyone around. We are trying to put an effort to make you laugh with below written short hilarious Funny jokes and quotes and don't worry about time as we keep them brief and yet they're funny.

We always find ourselves blank when our friends and family ask us to share something funny. But after scrolling this post, you will not feel as you were. It gonna make your mind full of hilarious things to be shared with companions. Time flies but when you spend it giggling with others, it becomes a good memory you can always talk about. Although these quotes and jokes make fun of others, but this is the way to laugh. So step down to the world of unimaginable fun to power up your conversations!
Short Jokes
Why the frogs are always so happy?
They eat whatever bugs them!!

So he swallowed the coin and still there is no change..

Smartest husband of this world!
Wife in anger: This is too much. I take care of home, I take care of kids, I take care of your whole house! What you take care of?
Husband: I take care of myself when I see your deepest eyes with amazing smile.
Wife: You are too much. Okay tell me what would you prefer in dinner!

Today I whatsapp to my 12 friends that I lost my phone.. Pls call to find out..
20 people called me..
OMG - I need smarter friends......... LOL


One dog to another: Today at 3:00 am, my owner caught a thief.
Dog2: Where were you?
Dog1: I was sleeping. Come one I not a human being who keep on surfing all night.

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One lie can reduce your life by 5 minute.
One smile can increase your life by 10 minutes.
MORAL: Always lie while laughing.. you will gain 5 minute extra life..

Man to mosquito - why are you biting me at day timing?
Mosquito - I am on overtime boss! Mother father are not well. In house there is young sister and boy side people have demanded one liter Blood...
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Married life is so easy - just like a walk in park.. but the problem is park is like Jurassic park..

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Marriages are made in heave... truly said... but
Maintenance charges has to be paid in earth..

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A man lost his wife in Tsunami..
One drunk night: while standing on the seashore, waves touching on his feet..
He shouted to sea: 'No matter' how many times you waves, touch my feet....
I'll never take her back...!! It is your mistake - Deal with it now!



Work culture today is simpler and more focused.. now it's just talk, talk and talk!

Now that I have gained confidence of my boss with my new young look, my wife has started doubting my intentions!

Do you have the model which can help me grind egos of my managers to manageable size?

How would you differentiate between yogurt and Australia?
Well, Yogurt has some culture

"Oh God pardon me for lying once again on the behalf of my boss and make sure you debit thin in his account!"
How innocent employees are! Their cruel bosses keep on pressuring them to tell lots of lies to the clients. But after all it is the matter of job but don't worry, God sees it all. He gonna count these lies into his account. How smart.

-2. If ugliness was measured in bricks, you would be the great wall of China.

-1. My husband asked me dress up as a nurse tonight to fulfill his fantasy...that we have Health Insurance!


0. I never understand that why the hell do people use hash-tags on FB?


No, not a joker in green suit and saffron tie, he's our boss - dressed in tricolor for freedom bash!

1. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor..

A. You have been online for more than one year. Do you wish to log off and get a life? Yes No. Remind me later


B. Money can't buy poverty.

C. He Meets an Accident with his new Mercedes.
Him while crying: Officer! See what happened with my luxury car!!
Police: You're Such materialistic. You Even haven't noticed that your right leg has been cut off.
He looks at his right leg and yells - Oh No My Nike shoes..

Please put down your knees.. nurse asks.
But they are not up - patient replies!


D. Guy walks out in restaurant..
Waitress says: sir your garage door is open.
Guy: Did you see my Harley?
Waitress: No, I saw a mini bike with two flat tyres.

E. She is from Iceland and he is from Cuba. Their kids will it be known as an Ice-cube?

2. "Insufficient funds"

3. I got a mini heart-attack

4. Pl quit smoking. 100% of all smokers die. So what - Do 100% of all non-smokers stay alive?

4a. It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

4b. Admit you check time on mobile to see time, and see it again as first time u didn't paid attention!

5. A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

One more good joke on the married couple. A wife never commits that she is wrong and never forgives her man but sometimes she does when he catches her red handed! Lol

5a. The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

6. Guy: Will you be my girl? Girl: Excuse me! Him: Listen to me. I’m rich. She: Oh hi I’m Sara, 20 yrs old. Him: Hi Beauty, My name is Rich, 22 yrs old, single!!

6a. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

6b. It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses.

6c. I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

7. Answer in Brief

8. Live till 57

9. Right to remain silent

10. Sometime I think that Bill Gates last name is GATES.. so why in the world does he sell Windows?

10a. What will always make ma mad? Letter ‘d’.

11. Why can't I remember the moments of my childhood everyone keeps on talking about. It is like being drunk - They remember everything what I did, except me.

11b. Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.

12. A Japanese woman must be having one birthdays because all others are anniversaries!!
This amusing quote makes fun on the trend of getting married on very young age tradition. So they often get more chance of celebrating their anniversaries than birthdays.

12a. That one person you wish to punch on face without getting in trouble.

12b. Dad: How will you separate a mixture of sand and sugar?
Son: Simple, I will give the mixture to the ants. they will take the sugar and leave the sand.

These are my principles. If you don’t like them, I have others.
The perfect satire on today's generation. They really don;t have any principal, motto and ambition in life. They just run towards fun, enjoyment and girls. They never think of creativity and inventions. Yeah, they have rules but they change according to person or circumstances.

My friend Dang is really so less grown up that he makes me wonder like he works at piggy bank!

A penguin walked into a bar and asked if anyone had seen his uncle.
The bartender asked "What does he look like?"

Never make eye contact while Eating Banana.

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.


What is the meaning of coincidence?
24 Hours in a day, 24 beers in a case!

Oh, you're 100% useless. No, you can use me as a bad example!

Q: Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn the volume of the radio down?
A: To hear the cars behind you brake!

I feel so happy from inside when a teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs!

Once a horse walks into a bar? The barman says why the long face!

She said to me, "I'm fed up with you being so lazy, pack your bags and leave."
I asked, "You pack them."

Keep Flushing!

Do not try at Home

Then why they select toppers?

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted,"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied,"I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms"

And which dwarf are you?

Can I ask you two questions?
Okay, what’s the second one?

A crow says to a woodpecker 'what are your eating habits?' and the woodpecker replied 'well, I am a bit of a PECKY eater.'

A joke is a very serious thing. Yes, it is..
- Winston Churchill

Advancement of relationship: Wife to hubby: Your kids and mine kids are fighting with our kids. Stop them!

To be or not to be... I think its a trick question.

Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?

What’s black and white and eats like a horse?
A Zebra.

Yo mama hair so short that she curls it with rice.

I used to wonder what it'd be like to read other people's mind. Then I opened an account into social network site and now I am over it.

Him: Hello, My name is cliff.
Me: Go and drop over on sometime else.

There’s no money in poetry..
But then there’s no poetry in money, either.

When the people stare at you, you suddenly turn around and say ' What the hell do you want?'


Yo mamma's so old, she farts dust.

The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who are undecided.

Beware of the Dog.. The Cat is not trustworthy either.

Q: Why do they call it a pair of pants, a pair of shoes, and pair of spectacles but a bra is just a bra?
A: Speechless!

Instead of getting those four days, can girls just get a text once a month from mother nature saying 'you're not pregnant'!

My Dog Can Lick Anyone!

Admit it that you try to listen what strangers are talking about and mentally give your opinions.

Some people laugh is really funnier than any joke.

My life is small. I can't listen to banality.

When they say "I'll think about it", what they really mean is, "I'll forget about it completely until you bring it up again."

Him: Why are you looking so sad. Stop crying?
Me: Nope, I'm just having an allergic reaction.
Him: For what?
Me: That teasing Life!

We live by the Golden Rule.
Means those who have the gold make the rules?

Everyone has someone in their life whose laugh is funnier than the jokes they crack.

Blonde goes to a pizza shop and orders one pizza. the person at the counter asks her: "would you like your pizza cut in 6 slices or 12?" and the blonde said "Six please! One couldn't possibly eat 12 slices!".

Funny Quotes

-5. 'Home, Sweet Home' must surely have been written by a bachelor.
- Samuel Butler
What a in-depth statement by Mr. Samuel. He understood the situation of married men and commented on 'sweet home' slogan. 'Sweet lovely home' must be originated by someone who was bachelor because for married man, jail is better than home because that cruel lady officer waits there!

-4. I say I don't need to pen it down, I'll remember it. And after a day, I forget.

My bank text me me Balance

Having some words with wife

-3 Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. - Groucho Marx
Perhaps the most funny and best quotes for naughty people! There are lots of things of men interest in women so see through them means your eyes are really old.


-2. That moment when you meow at cat and they don't meow you back!

-1. I really need a week off from this damn reality, a enjoying week without any shocking news and all those bullshits that run through my mind all the time.

Girl: Professor, Do you remember me? You asked me to marry you some years ago!
Professor: Yes I remember but did you?


0. Being a funny person does an awful lot of things to you. You feel that you mustn't get serious with people. They don't expect it from you, and they don't want to see it. You're not entitled to be serious, you're a clown.
- Fanny Brice

1. You and me are perfect and cutest. Ha Ha just kidding. you're really useless.

2. I have sure forecast for tonight - Yes It is going to be so dark!
Some people are too good at creating suspense that it makes us laugh. It is but natural that night brings darkness but that smart person adds such cute line before it that it grabs everyone's attention.,

3. Her FB status - "I'm Sitting" - 126 likes - 65 comments. His status - "Just got Proportion" - 1 likes - 2 comment!
It really happens. People like the illogical things specially when they're written by girls because they have purpose for that. The same situation is on social networking places. A good informative and useful status by male often gets very less popularity comparing to unusual, meaningless, ridiculous status by females.

What do cats like to eat for their breakfast? Mice Krispies!


4. 95 percent of all constipated people do not give a crap.

4a. I'm 47, You learn life is little and it's not worth doing something if you don't enjoy it.
- Trisha Yearwood

5. Their horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.

6. The toughest job in the world: Police sketch artist in China.
Very right point although offensive but still imagine. They all have very similar features. So how hard it would be for an artist to sketch them.

7. You learn a new word and suddenly start listening it everywhere.

7a. The only really happy folk are married women and single men.
- Henry Louis Mencken

8. I am fearing of growing up because it's a Trap..

9. When you hear yourself eating crunchy food, You often wonder if people can hear it too.

10. Does fuzzy logic tickle?



11. There's always that one friend who catches you doing something weird.

12. Looking at someone too gorgeous and beautiful - thinking "Wow, let me serve you"

12a. Marriage is a mutual relationship if both parties know when to be mute. –Anon
So true! In marriage, lots of fights happen but if you both have good understanding, you know when to keep your mouth shut. Because both parties are right and fight can convert into war. So learn to know how to mute and keep it up.

13. How can you go 10 days without sleeping? Because I sleeps at night, you know!

14. "Draw a blank"? Better to ask my bank a/c manager!

15. Do you exercise? Yes if it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all!

"K" = the most powerful way to piss someone off while messaging..

I am actually a really nice good person But I simply do not like other people.

I didn't trip. I was testing gravity. It still works.

All women are good - good for nothing, or good for something.
- Miguel De Cervantes

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.
- Joe E. Lewis

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.

Clarity: This quote reveals the truth of males behaviors. It removes the black-sheet from the eyes of viewers. They often misunderstand some actions and relate it to love and care. Yes, men do care but for new thing or relations. As time passes by, value diminishes. What's say?

Confucius says: man who sinks into woman's arm soon have arms in woman's sink.

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?
- John Barrymore

You grow on people, but so does cancer.

Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
- Aldous Huxley

If Couples that are in love are called ‘Love Birds’ then couples that always argue should be called
‘Angry Birds’...


You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. - Henny Youngman

Fame means millions of people have the wrong idea of who you are. - Erica Jong

Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog.

Isn't it amazing how nice people are to you when they know you're leaving?

As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?

You ain't tell me you had kids??

After 7 years of marriage, I am sure of 2 things. First, never wallpaper together and second, you'll need 2 bathrooms...both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in.
- Dennis Miller

Why is it good to have a liberal in the car with you?
You can park in a handicap zone.

While asking 100 women about their Favorite shampoo.. The top answer was:
Get the hell of my bathroom ..



My friend Jimmy is having very less height that when he sits on the side walk, his feet are still swinging.

Hilarious Husband wife letter
What Do You Say - Sad or Funny?

Dear Wife, I am writing you this letter to express you that I am leaving you for forever. I’ve been a good husband to you for 5 years and I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want to do love makingor anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone. Your EX-Husband P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to hill place together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 5 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 5 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $39.99 price tag was still & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $40 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 20 million $, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care. Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free! P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.


Husband: While crying and repenting,
OMG No.....
I am so Unfortunate!

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Despite the high cost of living it remains a popular item.

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I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

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Woman was God's second mistake.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

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In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

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"I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
- Steven Wright
Very intelligent! Witty people always find some solution even if there is no way. That is what illustrated in above quote. So what if brakes are unrepairable, you can blow that loud horn to get people out of your way.

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"I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No'."
- Woody Allen

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There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
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A best way to prevent snoring is..... put a pillow over his face.

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Never try to understand women. Women understand women And they hate each others!

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What do the Leafs and The Titanic have in common?
They both look good until they hit the ice.

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I've been using 'one office, two systems' pretty effectively -- one for me and the other for the rest!

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You are so nasty, I called you on the phone and got an ear infection.

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Too funny Jokes
Doctor: Listen gentleman, You've got a tumor in your brain.
Wife starts laughing so loud!
Husband: Why so?
Wife: I am surprised that he has a brain!

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When she sees a spider, she behaves cool but she cries when it disappears!

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Dad to daughter: Dear, what you do when you grow up?
Daughter: I'll do marriage.
Dad: No, bad thing, you should not think anyone's bad at this age.

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My Aerobic teacher told me to touch my toes. I said, "I don't have that kind of relationship with my feet. Can I just wave?"

Not end yet, the more big magical dose of fun waiting for you More Jokes.

Funny Ludicrous Quotations

'Are you fond of jesting. Practice it here with ludicrous, clever, and entertaining funny jolly quotes.'

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-4. The human brain is amazing. It functions 24 hours a day from the time we were born, and only stops when we take exam or are in love.

-5. When I am available, no one calls or text me. But when I get busy.. still no one..

-4. Hey, your phone's ringing. Yeah, that is what they are made for.

-3. I always wake up with a good attitude everyday. Then you meet me.

-2. As I get older I notice the years less and the seasons more.

-1. How can I lose to such an idiot?

0. The only stupid question is the question you don't ask.

1. You can drive a woman wild with right use of your tongue. It's so simple. All you do is say, 'You're looking little fatty today?"

2. If you don't want a sarcastic answer, then don't ask me any stupid question.

3. When I try, it does not come and when I avoid insists - My pressure.
Yes, admit that I think about....... that crispy pizza a lot. Lmao

4. If valentine's day is for love birds, then the rest of days are for me, right?

5. Home is where..... We can look ugly but enjoy it.

6. You're so lucky to have me, I wish me too.

7. Ever you wondered how long it would take a giraffe to throw up.

8. Meaning of SINGLE - Stress is now gone life's easier.

9. Best memories always come from bad ideas.

10. When you don't like them.. Their opinions seem to be so irrelevant.

11. Weird is just a side effect of being awesome.

12. Wanna do what husbands do with their wives on bed? No thanks. My life does it with me daily.

13. I didn't shouted on you, alcohol did.

14. What formula do you use while solving your sums. Me: Guess and Hope.

15. Check my fridge every five minutes to see if any food magically appeared.

16. I want to keep my school clean by staying at home.

17. Why do men fear the dark?
Because darkness is ignorance made visible.
And do men despise ignorance?
No, they prize it above all things, all things! But only so long as it remains invisible.

18. The awkward moment when you're at someone's house and the toilet won't flush...

33 Funny, Pleasing, Well-liked Life Quotes

'33 funny, pleasing and well-liked life quotes and sayings to live life at its fullest. Do remember that today never gonna come again so live it the way you want to, you wish to and you dream to. Say 'Cheers' to the life.'

=11. It is small so smile if you still have some teeth.

-10. My life has superb cast but can't figure out the plot.

-9. My Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.

-8. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

-7. Life is all about trusting our feelings & taking chances, losing & finding happiness, appreciating the memories & learning from the past.

-6. Be lions roaring through the forests of knowledge.
- Bahá'í Scriptures

-5. Dear Karma, I made a list of people you missed! I request you to take action immediately.

-4. Copy from one, it’s plagiarism; copy from two, it’s research.

-3 Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

-2. I don't regret the things I've done, I regret the things I didn't do when I had the chance.

-1. Your life, your choices, your mistakes, your experiences, your learning. Do not let anyone to interfere.

0. Never think too negative. Believe on yourself and go ahead with confidence. Everything is going to be alright, maybe not now, but eventually.

1. Simplicity has its own beauty but you're an exceptional case.



2. Don't keep crying because of an mistake. Learn from it and move on. Don't waste your life blaming yourself because of something that's gone.

3. Life is too short to waste your time with people who waste their own time.

4. The smallest choices in life will change your life the most so take those chances and watch your life unfold.

5.Whenever someone asks me to recommend a movie, I suddenly forget every movie ever made.

6. If you don't have weird moments, you've weird life.

7. Be what you are. Show your real self. If they don't accept me, that's their problem.

8. The ‘L’ letter in my luck has been replaced with an ‘F’.

9. If they are trying to bring you down, don't worry. It only means that you are above them and they can not do anything.

10. Stop regretting things, you cant change them anyway.

11. Dance, Drama, lies, tears, love, breakups, patch-ups, emotions, feelings - All on one life.

12. Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

13. Never forget that there is a brighter day after every dark night.

14. Do you ever question what you're doing with your life?

15. Life is very jealous. It can not tolerate that you are happy.

16. Nobody hates you? You must be doing something boring.

17. If it does not challenge you, it won't change you.

18. Observe. Listen. Learn. Soak in as much as you can. Take experience as lessons. Learn from the mistakes of others.

19. Never let smile to be disappeared from your face, because life is beautiful, and there is so much to smile about.

20. If it does not challenge you, it won't change you.

21. Be happy when God answers your prayer. But be more thankful when God makes you the answer to someone else prayer.

22. You: Wow, Finally I am happy. Life: Oh yeah.. wait for a while..

23. Stay strong, make them wonder how you're still smiling.

24. If you focus on what you left behind, you will never be able to see what lies ahead.

25. Life isn't burger king. You can't always have it your way.

26. Whatever you do always give your 100%....... Unless you are donating blood.

27. Only fools fall in love And I guess I'm one of them.

28. Life is not about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself.

29. When I was kid I was afraid of dark. Now when I get my electric bill, I am afraid of light.

30. I stopped fighting my inner demons.. We're on the same side Now.

31. How to handle STRESS like a dog..If you can't eat it or play with it than pee on it and walk away..

32. Being creative is not a hobby. It is a way of life.

33. Life is short. Play naked.

Always find a reason to laugh. It may not add years to your life but will surely add life to your years. Remember this and keep on laughing and help people in laughing.

Keep reading Funny Quotes and spread humor all over.

To be Followed

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Men are like steel. when they lose their temper, they lose their worth.

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?

You can pretend to be serious; you can’t pretend to be witty.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Don't spend all your money on a safe.

Hunger is the best sauce.

If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

They say time is the fire in which we burn.

Be lions roaring through the forests of knowledge.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Crazy decisions turns into best memories.

You want to chill. Wait let me throw some ice at you.

Behind every great man

One Ice Cube

Don't you hate it when there is always that one ice cube that won't pop out of the tray.

Don't hesitate

If you ever need anything please don't hesitate to ask someone else first.

Scary movies

Why you girls cover your face while watching scary movies, then watch it through fingers.

My Lessons

I was born to make mistakes and I'll die with all of my lessons learned.

We speak it

School is pointless. English: We speak it. History: They're dead. Math: We have calculators. Spanish: We have Dora.