'Humor is like a magic stick which makes people laugh instantly. So if you have the desire to create fun into your circle then here are most hilarious, cute and funny jokes for you. You can share them with any age-group as they are clean and cute.'
I afraid of dying alone?
Become a bus driver.
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Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel!
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How do you make a baby drink?
Stick it in the blender.
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If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn’t be enough to go around. — Christina Stead
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Your money, or your life. We know what to do when a burglar makes this demand of us, but not when God does. - Mignon McLaughlin
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A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?"
A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?"
Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?"
The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says.
"Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls.
Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him."
"Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
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A guy walked into a bar with his pet monkey and ordered a drink.
While he was drinking, the monkey jumped all around the place.
It grabbed some olives off the bar and ate them, then grabbed some sliced limes and ate them.
It jumped onto the pool table, took one of the billiard balls, stuck it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallowed it whole.
The bartender screamed at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy said, "No, what?"
"He just ate a billiard ball off my pool table... whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight. Sorry, I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finished his drink, paid his bar bill and paid for the stuff the monkey ate and walked out.
Two weeks later he came into the bar again along with his monkey. He ordered a drink and the monkey started running around the bar as before.
While the man was finishing his drink, the monkey found a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabbed it, stuck it up his rear, then pulled it out and ate it. Then it found a peanut.. This, too, he stuck up his rear, pulled it out and ate it.
The bartender was disgusted "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asked. "No, what?" replied the guy.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, pulled it out and ate it. The same with a peanut!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me. " said the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he measures everything first."
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A blonde and a brunette are skydiving.
The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -- nothing happens.
She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.
The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"
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Q: How do you know if a blonde has been in your fridge?
A: There are lipstick marks on your cucumbers.
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Husband : Can I hug You ?
Wife : No !
Husband : I will gift you jewelry .
Wife : No !
Husband : I will buy you a new dress .
Wife : Still no .
Husband : I will take you to a long drive.
Wife : No No No .
After listening all this.. Their son woke up and said
Dad you can hug and kiss me, but just buy me a new laptop,Please
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Love Quotes
'Open the secret of your heart with these most demanded 'Love Quotes'. After sharing them, you are going to get Pampered by them. So choose what fits best into you love story and have the amazing time ever.'
"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house."
- Henny Youngman
"Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century."
- Mark Twain
"Your presence realize m that I am important."
"When the road gets dark - And you can no longer see - Just let my love throw a spark - And have a little faith in me."
~ John Hiatt
"For hearing my thoughts, understanding my dreams and being my best friend... For filling my life with joy and loving me without end... I do."
- Anonymous
"Panties are not the best thing; they are next to the best thing."
"So many times I thought I would never find someone to love me the way I needed to be loved. Then you came into my life and showed me what true love really is!"
-Anonymous
"When she teases you, tease her back and make her laugh.
When she doesn’t answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay."
"A lover is a man who tries to be more amiable than it is possible for him to be."
"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked."
- Erich Segal
"Love at first sight is easy to understand; it’s when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle."
- Sam Levenson
"It does not claim possession, but gives freedom."
- Rabindranath Tagore
"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house."
- Henny Youngman
"Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century."
- Mark Twain
"Your presence realize m that I am important."
"When the road gets dark - And you can no longer see - Just let my love throw a spark - And have a little faith in me."
~ John Hiatt
"For hearing my thoughts, understanding my dreams and being my best friend... For filling my life with joy and loving me without end... I do."
- Anonymous
"Panties are not the best thing; they are next to the best thing."
"So many times I thought I would never find someone to love me the way I needed to be loved. Then you came into my life and showed me what true love really is!"
-Anonymous
"When she teases you, tease her back and make her laugh.
When she doesn’t answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay."
"A lover is a man who tries to be more amiable than it is possible for him to be."
"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked."
- Erich Segal
"Love at first sight is easy to understand; it’s when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle."
- Sam Levenson
"It does not claim possession, but gives freedom."
- Rabindranath Tagore
Entertaining Evan Esar Quotes
'Now, time to enjoy the very entertaining humor quotes of Evan Esar's (American humorist).'
Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.
A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name.
Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.
The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.
Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.
The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.
A husband is like a fire--he goes out when unattended.
Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose.
Play: Work that you enjoy doing for nothing.
The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.
A hamburger by any other name costs twice as much.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a rich widow.
[Anger is] the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.
America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.
Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.
A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name.
Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.
The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.
Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.
The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.
A husband is like a fire--he goes out when unattended.
Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose.
Play: Work that you enjoy doing for nothing.
The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.
A hamburger by any other name costs twice as much.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a rich widow.
[Anger is] the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.
America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.