Funny Ralph Wiggum's Quotes:
"Lisa: Players play and managers manage.
Ralph: Do alligators alligate?"
"Ralph: I wanna go back inside mommy."
"The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger outta there."
"Me fail English? That's unpossible."
"Principal Skinner, I got car sick in your office."
"My cat's breath smells like cat food!"
"Sticks ice cream cone to forehead."
"Grandma had hair like that when she went to sleep in her forever box."
"Bart: How'd a pull up like you get a great card like that?
Ralph: My not-dead grandma sent it from Tokyo.
Bart: Ralph, I will play you for that card.
Ralph: Okay, but if I win, you'll have to teach me how to play this game"
Funny Homer Simpson's Quotes:
"Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover."
"Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."
"I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?"
"Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless."
"If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing"
"Aah! Hey, get off my sugar. Bad bees! Bad! Ow! Oww!! Oh, they're defending themselves somehow."
"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand."
"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."
"Money comes and money goes. What I have is my daughter which will be for eight more years."
"Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races."
"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"
"To Start Press Any Key'. Where's the ANY key?"
"Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers."
"Quiet honey, you don't know how big this government is. It goes all the way to the President."
"Oh, Marge don't you know kids today? Bad means good and shake your booty means wiggle your butt."
"But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder."
"Our forecast calls for flurries of passion followed by an extended period of gettin' it on."
"Let's just plop them in front of the TV. I was raised in front of the TV and I turned out TV."
"Hey, can you take the wheel for a second? I have to scratch myself in two places at once!"
"Black, marbleized with a liquid center. The Stealth Bowler. The pins don't know what hit 'em."
Funny Mr. Burns Quotes:
"Smithers: I'm so happy I could hug you.
Mr. Burns: And have me smell like cheap drug store cologne the rest of the day? You may hug my shadow."
"I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until ... Oh, what the hell. I'll just crush him like an ant."
"I insist you never wear shoes or a proper necktie again. Just house slippers and the most humiliating tie there is - bolo."
"Guard: It's time for a cavity search.
Mr. Burns: Oh, I haven't cavity in forty years.
Guard: I wasn't talking about your teeth.
Mr. Burns: Nor was I."
"Is it a crime to want nice things and then to steal them from a public museum where any gum-chewing monkey in a Tufts University jacket can gawk at them? I think not."
"Carl: Sir, your spare ribs, cooked just the way you like them.
Mr. Burns: Spare ribs eh? I've played around with ten pins a time or two in my life and, to me, the term spare reeks of second best. Give me ten full frames of strike ribs. [to Lenny]: And you, find my doctor and find out why I'd ask for something as insane as strike ribs."