37 Funny Quotes For Happy Day

'Make your day happy and entertaining with these 37 cute, innocent, rare but so humorous funny saying quotes.'

Quotes are Funny

1. There are two different kinds of people in this world: those who finish what they start, and.
- Brad Ramsey

1a. Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
- Henny Youngman
Secret of happy marriage

2. I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships.
- Gilda Radner

3. Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.
- Sam Ewing

4. Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.
- Groucho Marx

5. Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
- Rene Descartes

6. I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.
- Alan Coren

7. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
- Groucho Marx

8. No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes she were not.
- H.L. Mencken

9. The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy.
- Unknown

10.Reality is a hallucination brought on by lack of alcohol.
- Unknown

11. Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
- Fran Lebowit

12. How I see it is that men get one night of pleasure, and we get nine months of putting them through hell and getting away with it.
- Sara Swank

13. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments, soccer games, romances, best friends, location of friend's houses, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
- Unknown

14. The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back.
- Franklin Jones

15. There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
- Steven Wright

16. The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who are undecided.
- Casey Stengal

17. Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen or oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
- Dave Berry

18. Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.
- Proverb

19. When a husband brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.
- Molly McGee

20. Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done.
- Sam Ewing

21. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
- Unknown

22. If you think something small can't make a difference, try going to sleep with a mosquito in the room.
- Unknown

23. Men should be like Kleenex...soft, strong, and disposable.
- Mrs. White, Clue

24. Have no fear of perfection--you'll never reach it.
- Salvador Dali

25. After looking at the bill for my operation, I understand why the doctors wear masks in the operating room.
- Unknown

26. Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother c

27. Some see the glass as half-empty, some see the glass as half-full. I see the glass as too big.
- George Carlin

28. School is like a lollipop. It sucks until it is gone.
- Ashley Salvati

29. Anyone seen in a bus over the age of 30 has been a failure in life.
- Loelia, Duchess of Westminster

30. Children are the most expensive form of entertainment.
- Mihaela Iosof

31. The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.
- "Smile" Zingers

32. For there is nothing either good or bad, thinking makes it so.
- William Shakespeare

33. I'm strong, I'm tough, I still wear my eyeliner.
- Lisa Leslie

34. If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.
- Doug Larson

35. I have no data yet. It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories instead of theories to suit facts.
- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

36. Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde

37. You've reached middle age when all you exercise is caution."
- Unknown

Everytime you able to find some humor in difficult situation, you win