Hilarious Exercise Quotes

Regular exercise keeps you healthy but lazy people don't favor it. So they give lots of illogical but funny excuses to avoid that hard work. So here are hilarious exercise quotes to have lots of giggle together.

Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
~ Robert M. Hutchins

I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
- Joan Rivers

Exercise is the yuppie version of bulimia.
~ Barbara Ehrenreich



I Exercise - run my mouth, push my luck, and jump to conclusions.

Why don't you Put some fun between your legs by exercising?

I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
- Marsha Doble

Exercise is bunk. If you are healthy, you don’t need it: if you are sick you should not take it.

I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a street.
~ Neil Armstrong

Exercise is bunk. If you are healthy, you don't need it: if you are sick you should not take it.
- Henry Ford

Does this shirt makes me look thin?

My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
~ Phyllis Diller

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.
- Mark Twain

Fitness - if it came in a bottle, everybody would have a great body.
- Cher

Exercise is done against one's wishes and maintained only because the alternative is worse.
~ George Sheehan

SKINNY PEOPLE TICK ME OFF!!! Especially when they say things like, "You know sometimes I forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my car keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
- SIOUXSIE Q

Exercise? More like extra fries.

It is exercise alone that supports the spirits, and keeps the mind in vigor.
- Marcus Tullius Cicero

A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs.

Any workout which does not involve a certain minimum of danger or responsibility does not improve the body - it just wears it out.
- Norman Mailer

Facetious Neighbors Sayings

'The facetious quotations about Neighbors to give you another chance of making fun of them.'



A good neighbor is a fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn't climb over it.
- Arthur Baer

Serivce may vary according to my mood and your attitude.

Love thy neighbour - and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.
- Mae West

Hate your next-door neighbor, but don't forget to say grace.
- Barry McGuire

If you think your bundle of dirty clothes too heavy, try picking up your neighbor's.

The Bible tells us to love our neighbours, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people.
- Gilbert K Chesterton

Sweep first before your own door, before you sweep the doorsteps of your neighbors
- Swedish Proverb

There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbours will say.
- Cyril Connolly

We make our friends; we make our enemies; but God makes our next door neighbor.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton

I'd worship the ground you walked on if only you walked in a better neighborhood.
- Billy Wilder

If you want to annoy your neighbors, tell the truth about them.
- Pietro Aretino

The dearest things in the world are our neighbor's eyes; they cost everybody more than anything else in housekeeping.
- Sydney Smith

Nothing makes you more tolerant of a neighbor's noisy party than being there.
- Franklin P. Jones

Your first job is to prepare the soil. The best tool for this is your neighbor's motorized garden tiller. If your neighbor does not own a garden tiller, suggest that he buy one.
- Dave Barry

Your next-door neighbor is not a man; he is an environment. He is the barking of a dog; he is the noise of a piano; he is a dispute about a party wall; he is drains that are worse than yours, or roses that are better than yours.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton

A bad neighbor is a misfortune, as much as a good one is a great blessing.
- Hesiod

Funny Short One Liner Jokes/Quotes

'Sometimes one right line is good enough to break the ice. Here presenting those great short one liner funny jokes and Funny Quotes to let you have best time ever.'

What do you call a bunch of liberals in a basement? A whine cellar.

What is faster Hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold.

It's funny the way most people love the dead. Once you're dead, you're made for life.
- Jimi Hendrix

You cannot play with me unless you blow me. I am Balloon!

I have a friend named Kay. We call him K for short.

Wanna hear a joke? women's rights.

As you grow older, you stand for more and fall for less.

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!

I can handle pain until it hurts.

The shortest horror story: The last person on earth sat in a room. There was a knock at the Door.

I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen.

Due to budget cuts and downsizing, the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.

Why cant Stevie Wonder read? Because he is black.

Mouth is in gear, brain is in neutral.

I just let my mind wander, and it didn’t come back.

I'm on a 30-day diet. So far I've lost 15 days.

You cannot taste me, until you undress me. Regards - Banana.

Yo mama's so short, she don't roll dice, she pushes them.

Why can't helen keller drive? because she's a woman

How do you make a dead baby float? One scoop dead baby, one scoop ice cream, add root beer.

Why am I single? Because I treat girls right.

It's easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.

Creditors have better memories than debtors.

An argument carried far enough will end up in semantics.

I am born a pessimist - My blood group is B Negative.

What's the difference between a liberal and a puppy? The puppy stops whining when it grows up.

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.