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Funny Witty Good Humored Quotes

'Be entertained with up-to-date collection of 2013's best funny, witty, good-humored quotes and sayings with pictures. After all, you too have guts to create comedy.'

Enjoy funny moments

I was feeling very irritable. It was that difficult time of the month when the credit card statement arrives.
- Julie Walters

I’d explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist. - Franklin Jones

You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket… I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.

Try not to be nice to my face if you aren't nice behind my back.

Acting like your texting when you see someone you don't want to talk to.

When I sit down on a field, I automatically start pulling grass out of the ground.

New day, same bullshit.

Cool story babe, now go make me a sandwich

My husband says I feed him like a god; every meal is a burnt offering.
- Rhonda Hansome

The best things in life are free *plus shipping and handling*

I am jealous of my mom dad because I'll never have kids as cool as theirs.

Get plenty of sleep. Be kind to your mind. You'll miss it when it's gone.

Yes.. They are true. We should never give up on our dreams.. So keep sleeping.

80% of young people have back pain. The other 20% don't have a computer.

I fight for what I believe in. I am a mercenary, and I believe in money.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

Roses are red violets are blue. God made me pretty, what happened to you?

There are 3 things that can change girls mood: I love you and 70% off.

Admit it that you get exited when your birthday month starts.

Sorry.. I can’t get out of this bed. These blankets have accepted me as one of their own and If I leave now I might lose their trust.

The trouble with children is that they are not returnable.
- Quentin Crisp

They need experience for the job. I need job for experience.

Ever you imagined how many babies have been born because of the phrase "Trust Me"?

Me: I love you! Girl: Is that you, or your wine talking? Me: It's me...talking to the wine.

I wish I could put my whole home in the washing machine.

When you type things into search engine to see if you can spell them correctly.

That moment when a web-place questions "Are you a human?" And you're just like: No, I'm an Algebra.

It's you, for whom I wake up so early at every morning. LoL just kidding, I have school.

If stress burned calories.. I'd be a Supermodel.

Good girls are found in every corner of life but unfortunately earth is round.

I came to know that you love water. Wow, you already like 70% of me.

I am really good . I never sweat or regret on anything. I just move on and forget to create new one.

If at first you don't succeed, order pizza.

It is so funny, because right now I'm very tired and my brains a little dead, I tend to get very focused and serious. So, I'm probably coming off a lot more like Scully right now. - Gillian Anderson

Yeah ,b Boys lie more, but girls lie better.

I agree to work with their company if they allow a 6 month vacation, twice a year.

When I am drunk, I express sober thoughts.

Before you insult somebody you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you insult them you'll be a mile away and have their shoes!

I believe in hate at first sight.

Consciousness that annoying time between naps.

I am busy, you are ugly. Have a nice day.

Waking up before 6:30AM should be illegal.

I am not lazy I just addicted to the habit of resting before I get tired.

Marriage is a relation where One is always right and another one is husband.

Don't Blame. It is not my fault that I never learned to accept Responsibility.

Boy: What has lots of teeth, Hiding behind horrible thing, comes to in daily use.
Girl: Hmm
Boy: My jeans zip.

Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud... LoL!

I swear Ugly People find love faster.

I have Five Fingers and the middle one is for you.

Life and Beer are very similar. Chill for best results.

Girl status: I need a boyfriend for the to keep me warm..
My comment: Or you could buy a coat..

That irritating moment When someone in front of you is singing your favorite song but the lyrics were wrong.

When someone in front of you is singing your favorite song.

Marriage is like workshop where husband works and wife shops.

That awkward moment when you don't know how to continue the conversation.

Control your curiosity and stop inventing with your mouth What you don't see with your eyes.

Youngster headphones are like their own personal 'DO NOT DISTURB' signs.

When they say 'Goodnight,'Why I automatically look at the clock?

I know I'm weird. No, you're ugly too.

Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.
- Groucho Marx